Tag Archives: dating

“Rules for Dating My Daughter” Memes …

Someone recently told me that this is the Year of the Offense. Everyone seems to be offended by every little thing going on around them, which is of course amplified by the media highlighting the most ridiculous and inane things to stir the pot. This includes some bloggers. So, guess what the big offender is now?  Well, the title should give you a clue, but you can humour me by making a few wrong guesses …

Okay, okay.  It’s those “dating my daughter” memes like this one:

dating-my-daughter-funny

For some idiotic reason, folks are missing the point that these memes are jokes; exaggerated caricatures of fathers wanting to protect inexperienced teenage girls who are (generally speaking) wrapped up in romantic ideals and fairy-tale notions.

In fact, one daddy blogger stated that these demeaning memes show that men don’t trust their daughters, have no confidence in them, and think their daughters are “weak and feeble creatures” (that’s a direct quote).  From his comments about over-bearing fathers bullying, intimidating future friends and dates, and his obnoxious choice to post this topic under the category of “bad parenting”, it’s obvious that he’s confused the satirical portrayal of fathers in movies and television with real life. As the rest of us know; very few people actually behave the way these memes portray. That my father greeted a young man at the door with a shot gun in hand was just poor timing and reinforcement that you should always call ahead before showing up at someone’s house (… that’s also an attempt at humour.)

For that daddy blogger and any others who struggle with this topic, here are some points to consider:

jmok1

 

1) When Dad screened potential dates, met them at the door, spoke to them on the phone, and/or “put the fear of God” in them, I never felt like he didn’t trust me. Know why? Because, *MY* behaviour wasn’t what he was worried about.

Dad trusted me to do the right thing, and then he empowered me to be able to make good choices by teaching me what to say, what options I had in certain situations, and if all else failed, where to strike if I needed to. He did that so I would never feel or be defenseless just because I was on my own.

Nor did I feel “owned” or like property by the fact that his primal instincts were to protect his offspring. I find the above mentioned daddy blogger’s suggestion of that ridiculous and, dare I say – offensive.

 

delicate

 

2) At no time did Dad’s (over)protective behaviour give the impression or make me feel like I was a helpless little thing that would collapse in a fit of vapours in a crunch. Instead, I feel important, precious, and worth protecting.  I also felt confident that Dad had my back if things ever went sideways. He taught me that family takes care of each other; I could count on him to step up if I got into a situation I couldn’t handle on my own as an inexperienced teenager.

 

Cartoon by Mark Parisi
Cartoon by Mark Parisi

 

3) My old-world Italian father was pretty blunt about men and dating, but he didn’t teach me to “fear” men by being (over)protective. You know who did?  Men (and boys) who didn’t respect me; mentally, emotionally, or physically. Those assholes really drove home everything Dad was trying to tell me about why he was so worried  and why he felt the need to teach me how to slam a fist into a man’s throat.

 

You know why fathers do and say these things? It’s not that they don’t trust their daughters or think they’re “weak and feeble creatures”.

 

 

Fathers act in a way to protect their daughters in dating situations, because they’re men and they’ve “been there”

 

To paraphrase Dad:

Not all parents raise their kids to know and do what’s right. Even those kids who are raised properly make mistakes. It’s a parent’s job to make sure everyone is on the same page – that there’s a mutual understanding and respect.  And, if there’s a lapse in respect, there is a knowledge that there will be consequences – obviously not Liam Neeson style, but real solid consequences to their actions.

Despite the “caveman instinct” to protect our young, these memes, and the “tough-guy” mentality that some people are sneering at, isn’t about feminism, sexism, lack of trust in our children, or “bad parenting”. It’s about teaching our daughters (and their potential suitors) that “Even when you’re by yourself, you’re never on your own.”

 


 

Strong Women: My additions to Power of Positivity’s “What to Expect” post

I just read an AMAZING post at the Power of Positivity (PoP) website that listed what to expect when dating a strong woman.

PoP_strong women
They really nailed it when outlining our determination to succeed and live fully, as well as things to expect when we wrestle with our fears and doubts.  If you haven’t had a chance to read it, I highly recommend it.

When I finished reading the list, a few more things came to mind that I can say from experience should definitely be addressed.  So, here is my short list of additions to PoP’s post “21 Things to Expect When Dating a Strong Woman” …

 22) We don’t indulge discussions about obstacles unless we’re creating a list of options to get over or around them. So, no annoying talk about why something can’t be done.

 23) Fear doesn’t live here. We have no patience for people (including ourselves)  who find excuses not to seize opportunities for work or play. We expect the people in our lives to have the integrity to do what’s right, whether its taking a risk despite your fears or calling her on something you know she could handle better.


24) She needs people with a strong spine to count on. Her strength springs from overcoming years of pain and fear.  While she doesn’t live in the past, sometimes she’ll be blindsided by past hurts or habits and will need support.

 

25) Speaking of fear, if you tell a strong woman that she scares you, she will cry.  Not in front of you, of course.  In private.  Most likely in a dark room with something to mask the sound of her sobs.  Then, she’ll pick herself up, decide that you don’t have the fortitude to keep up with her and/or you’re trying to manipulate her behaviour.  Either way, you’ll have lost her respect.

flowers-209144_128026)  We speak plainly.  While we try not to be harsh, we’ve found that sugar-coating things makes others “confused” about our intent or down-play the importance of our words.  So, we say what we mean and mean what we say.  It’s frustrating to be with someone whose ego or feelings are easily bruised.  Plain-speaking isn’t the same as being cruel.  Saying we’re rude or mean is a good way to get escorted to the door.  We don’t have time for self-pity or “delicate flowers”.

27) We don’t compare unless it’s to notice how far we’ve come in our journey.  It’s not a contest, but you do need to pull your own weight.  So, stuff the digs about how much time we spend working or how much money we make in comparison to what you’re doing/getting.  And, for the love of all that is holy – do NOT complain that your strong woman is making progress, but you’re not when you’ve both been presented with the same opportunities.  She will extend a hand to help you with a legit problem or put a foot on your butt to help you keep up, but if you’re not trying to keep pace with her, you’re gonna get left behind.

 Lastly,

28) If you treat her and her goals with respect and admiration, and work with her as an equal in all areas of life, her devotion and loyalty to you will only get stronger as your time together progresses.

love-13702007079DG

 Is there anything you would add to PoP’s this list?


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